Life as a mum on the East Kent Coast with two young kids. It's not all Chablis and Oysters you know.

Thinking of moving to Whitstable?

Recently I’ve had a few lovely people get in touch with me here on LITB or via Twitter to ask me lots of questions about living in Whitstable so I thought it might be helpful if I outline the main answers here for anyone to read.

When we were in London we both worked full time and my eldest went to nursery, (so lovely, so expensive) 2 bus journeys/40 minutes from where we lived. Taking and collecting him was the worst part of each of our day.

Since we now had one child (and another on the way) we no longer went out all the time and enjoyed all London had to offer. Yes, we could see our friends easily if they came to us. Yes. we went to Broadway Market every weekend. And yes, fashionable hairdressers and flat whites were easy to come by. These were all good things. But we mostly went to work, collected Nate and went home. And we lived in a little 2 bed flat on a main road with no garden. We wanted more space. We wanted a proper place for our kids to have a childhood.

So far the things we love about living here:

Community – it is properly and unexpectedly amazing. Friends just pop in for tea, or you pop round there and your kids will have mates who live in their streed that they run around with and get sweaty and overtired with and drink Ribena with on summers evenings. You will have friends who understand the demands of family life and will offer to drive you to hospital in the middle of the night if you or your partner goes into labour. They’ll miss you if you go out of town for a week. That is cool.

Food – East Kent is a really foodie place. Kent is the garden of England so there is lots of brilliant produce that comes from here, loadsa farms where you can stop (at this time of year) for new season asparagus and strawberries. We have proper local butchers selling meat from local farms like Monkshill Farm. We have great Cafes like Windy Corner Stores and The Beach Cafe. There are fab restaurants and I don’t mean like, fab for the provinces I mean like fab for the New York Times. There are Supper Clubs galore from our very own community supper club to the very talented Emma Wilcox’s. We have the utterly lovely Sportsman (Michelin starred) and I haven’t even got round to Margate with the best burgers in East Kent at Fort’s, innovative Indian at The Ambrette and gourmet Pizza at GB Pizza.

Beach – We swapped a 2 bed flat in Dalston for a house by the sea. We are about 3 minutes away. This means when it is sunny we go to the beach. We go when it is cold and windy too. Before school. After school. In the day. In the evening after supper. I run there. The kids play there. And in case you are wondering it does not get tired. They ALWAYS want to go to the beach. We have pebbly beaches here in Whitstable and round the coast in Margate, Broadstairs and Ramsgate they have sandy beaches.

Creativity – This is going to be a bit waffly sorry. Basically lots of people who live here are arty and creative. By “here” I mean Whitstable but also East Kent. This means creative businesses like Margo Selby Textiles and Cloth Ears are based here not to mention lots of painters and photographers. Also lots entrepreneurs, people who want to have a better balance between family and business come here to set up a different type of life, check out East Kent Mum and Catriona Campbell to see what I mean. East Kent has even launched a bid for European City of Culture 2017!

Ok so there is the prosaic stuff. The nitty gritty now:

Commute – The commute is tough. Dylan gets up every day at 6 and is out of the house soon after 7 to get the 7.25, this is the latest of the “fast” trains from Whitstable in the morning. This means it takes 1 hour 11 minutes to St Pancras direct. Miss that and he has to change at Faversham and it takes at least 1.5 hrs. The latest fast train back in the evening is at 6.25pm otherwise same deal. This means he often sees the kids for about 5 minutes in the morning and he comes home after their bedtime. TOUGH. It is also very expensive. Somewhere in the region of £5k per year. However, the train he gets is really nice and he always gets a seat. He tells me that he enjoys the downtime. I get a bit jealous of his hour of peace each day. Many people I know have said that the commute is more pleasant than commuting from one side of London to another.

Schools & Pre-schools – In Whitstable there is a great selection of pre-schools, childminders and primary schools. Go on the fab Whitstable Mum site to find out more. They also give details on all of the (many and varied) drop in classes, parent and toddler groups and all that good stuff. I’m really happy with Nate’s pre-school. After primary the schools aren’t quite as good – there are two middle schools in Whitstable and reports from Mums I know here is that one is good and one is not. I have no personal experience of this though, welcome any comments from existing Whitstable Mums. Similarly, I have no experience of the one secondary comprehensive in Whitstable. Kent still has the whole complicated Kent test at 11 so my concern is that the clever kids go to the grammer schools in Canterbury and Faversham. Not sure I particularly love that.

Houses – We decided to rent when we first moved here and although that has been a drama I still think it was the right thing to do given we had to make our decision quite quickly (I was pregnant). The rental market is tough though, it is a very small market and good houses go very fast. The house we are in had 8 couples view it on day 1. So don’t assume that because it isn’t London it isn’t competitive. Buying is more normal I think, the market here is still very buoyant though compared to national picture. Lots of lovely houses from bigger places out in Chesterfield and Tankerton to lots of Victorian terraces in central Whitstable. If you want (a LOT) more house for your money consider Margate or Ramsgate as Whitstable isn’t cheap (though obviously cheaper than London).

I hope this is helpful. And please feel free to message me in the comments with any further questions. Whitstable Mums is a great resource too, and there is lots of chat daily about Whitstable goings on in their associated Facebook group.

My relationship with my body then, and now

When I was 21 I didn’t like my body much. The first boy I ever loved had just cruelly dumped me. I grew thin and pale. As far as I was concerned getting thin was the only good thing about getting dumped. Even though all my friends and family told me I was too thin I STILL didn’t think I was thin enough. Throughout the relationship I had studiously controlled my weight through insecurity. Whenever we’d bump into an ex of his (there were a lot) he’d say, “she’s gained weight, she used to be a lot more attractive when we were together.” I was so obsessed with not becoming the fat ex-girlfriend that I didn’t think very much about how this made him sound.

Ten years on and I’m in a very different place. I’m very much in love with my husband and have had two kids. I am not that pale thin (and insecure) creature I was at 21. But the last decade has given me some much needed perspective about my body. I haven’t been that kind to it I realise. I drank – lots, I smoked, I’ve eaten far too much or too little and swung wildly between the two. I’ve over exercised and ignored exercise for months at a time. All the time, whatever state my body was in, I can guarantee that I didn’t like it. And that was before 2 pregnancies that bloated, stretched, weighed me down and tried me like you would not believe. One 9lb baby and one 11lb baby were not easy.

But bizarrely this is when the change started to happen. I have more lines and lumpy bits than ever before and yet, I care less than ever. I look back at my 21 year old self (pre-heartbreak diet perhaps) and think, “If I had that body now I would be naked ALL THE TIME!” If I have any common sense at all then I need to start imagining what I’ll think about my body when I’m 40, 50, 60, 70? What would my 70 year old self say to me now? She’d say “Forget the insecurities lady, put on that bikini and have a cocktail, dance around a little YOU ARE SEXY AND YOUNG!” Please bear in mind my 70 year old self is a little out of control, but I think she’s got the right idea. I am young, and my body is probably better now than it will be in 20 years or so. Life is too short to worry about what we look like in bikinis and forget to enjoy ourselves. I was chatting with my friend Kat on Twitter recently and she reminded me of that speech “Wear Sunscreen” that was made into a song a few years ago,

“Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.”

THAT. THAT is what I will try to remind myself as I step out into the world each day.

Having babies, particularly having Arlo, gave me massive confidence in what my body can achieve, running makes me feel free and alive. Dancing around with my kids and rolling round on the floor is the best. There are so many fucking awesome things that I can do with my body that aren’t about presenting it neatly for other people but are about making ME feel amazing.

I looked back through my photos, to try to come up with a few of me from the past few years to go with this piece and they are so few and far between. Mostly consisting of photos of me checking my hair looks ok and almost none that include my whole body. This is ridiculous. From now on I’m going to be photo bombing all of you. But for now i’ve included a series of phone self-portraits that would never normally see the light of day from bedrooms and dressing rooms, me without makeup or without a brush having seen my hair. Because as I look back at myself now I just think, I looked allright actually, and most importantly, I was happy.

Running on the beach

I am absolutely loving running at the moment. Especially as I have this beautiful route which goes something like this. Leave house, 2 mins later arrive on beach. Run 20 mins in one direction. Run 20 mins back. 2 mins to home. Don’t get me wrong. I loved running last week in Regents Park when I was at the Primrose Hill Palace (mum and dad’s) but there is no run that is better than a beach run.

Here are some pics I took on my last evening run just to prove what I’m on about.

 

In my everyday life I sometimes feel the lack of physical freedom that is normal when you raise kids. This is definitely a bigger deal now that I don’t have another job to go to. It means that I am rarely on my own. I travel with a pram, handbags, bags of shopping and a toddler holding my hand OR I am carrying his scooter. We are lucky in Whitstable that we can walk everywhere but it takes forever to get ready to leave the house. I never just pick up my keys and phone and LEAVE. Until now. Now it is still light when my husband gets home. And last night I was ready. I got the kids to sleep. Then I changed into running shoes and waited. The moment he was home I was off, running along the beach. I’ve always hated to run but now I love it, because I love the physical sense of complete freedom. Some days I think I could run forever. But my body isn’t ready for that. I have stopped thinking, “I hope this makes me thin” and now I just do it for the joy. And yes. I felt this way when I ran in the rain too. Tho I didn’t take pictures.

Please remember I am training for the Royal Parks Half Marathon and I would love you forever if you sponsor me.

https://www.justgiving.com/Clare-Connerton

Do we praise our children too easily?

“Well done finishing your toast darling, you ate that really nicely.”

“Did you put your boots on by yourself? That’s A-mazing.”

“That’s LITERALLY the best lego-pirate monster-bot I have EVER seen.”

Really? Literally (urgh) the best lego pirate monster bot? How many have I ever bloody seen and why can’t I stop saying literally when I literally mean the exact opposite? These are all fairly standard things that I might say to my children in the span of, oh, an hour? Along with all the standard, “aren’t you clever, aren’t you gorgeous” type of compliments I dish out on a daily basis.

I don’t think I’m alone either, we all like to praise our kids, it makes us feel good and it makes them feel good doesn’t it? And sometimes when you are a parent you can feel like you would spend your whole time telling your children off about being to noisy, messy, annoying not to mention breaking stuff, waking stuff and pooping on stuff that should not be pooped on. We tell ourselves to focus on the positives and praise those things and try not to be too negative about the negative behaviour, not wanting to give it any attention. This way our kids will do more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff right? Or not?

But on the basis that I’ve found my own enthusiasm of my children’s looks and abilities nauseating from time to time I thought I should read up a bit and this is a broad summary of what I’ve learned so far:

1.) Be sincere. Children are discerning of insincere praise much sooner than you would think and this is shown to harm the relationship of trust that you two share. Ever heard your own mother say “oh darling you look gorgeous,” knowing deep down that you don’t? It teaches you to disregard her opinion on all matters because you question her judgement. If she were to keep her mouth shut but compliment you when you made the effort that would be more meaningful to you.

2.) Praise actions and behaviours. These are things they can control. For example praise their act of kindness to a friend or demonstrating nice manners in a restaurant. Be as specific as possible without overdoing it. Try not to praise their “goodness” which is intangible and ultimately meaningless or their looks which they can’t do that much about. With school work, reading, writing, creating lego towers or whatever they “made” praise the effort they put in and not their innate “cleverness.” Being told you are clever isn’t motivating to children. If they are naturally adept at something it doesn’t encourage them to continue to work hard at it. If they aren’t good at something and you are telling them they are “so clever” it’s just that insincerity thing again.

3.) Praise where you see genuine effort. It is easy to get stuck in an endless cycle of “well done for washing your hands” or “great job eating that sandwich” or the kind of ridiculous praise I mentioned at the outset of this piece. We all believe that we are doing the right thing giving our children these constant positive affirmations. But it teaches them to need it and only to work hard for a reward or an affirmation. We are teaching them to need constant validation and also need to be successful at every single thing they do. And anyone who has ever been successful at anything BIG like writing a bestselling novel or running a marathon or running a company knows that in order to truly succeed in life you need to be able to fail, be ok with it, and persevere (and on their own, not because someone is watching them). So if you want your children to be able to cope with life’s failures then hold back a little. Too frequently and they won’t get out of bed for less than a “good job for getting out of bed this morning baby!”

Limiting praise in this way shouldn’t see the positivity of your relationship with your child deteriorate. Quite the opposite. Have you ever had a truly sincere compliment? When someone noticed something that no one else noticed that you had done? Didn’t it make you feel all over warm and happy? This is how your child will feel when you notice the things they work hard at. They will be proud that you have noticed. It is harder work for us as parents to praise this way. The generic “wahey that’s amazing” is so easy to do, and so easy because it means nothing.

…Don’t forget encouragement

Gentle encouragement is entirely different. With encouragement we can support our children and draw the best out of them providing them with false expectations that there will be a cheering squad watching their every move in life helping them to succeed. Encouragement builds confidence and strengthens the bond you have with your children. It’s the “let’s try that again, together this time” or “do you remember last time you were worried about doing something new and then it turned out really well?” It encourages learning and self-sufficiency within the child whilst at the same time giving them that all important life lesson, that their parent loves and believes in them.

So my mission over the next week is to follow my own rules. It is really hard but I’ll let you know how I get on. Would love to hear of your own experiences in this area. Feel free to message me directly or comment below.

 

 

Staying at home with kids, and why I do it

Yesterday my mum arrived to visit. Just an overnight stay to spend some time with me and the kids, have dinner with us and hang out a bit before heading back to London today. She does it every now and then and we love it. But yesterday when she arrived I was in a bad mood. Unfortunately for her. I was fed up with everything and nothing in particular. Honestly it has felt like an endless 2 weeks while Nate has been on holiday . I have been spending 24 hours a day with both children (my toddler is normally at nursery afternoons in term time). I had just had enough and I had a proper rant at her. Something along these lines. (Only imagine it really a lot longer and more repetitive and you’d be a bit closer.)

“I feel demoralised by domestic work, I hate it, its fucking boring and I’m smarter than this. I want to see people, talk to people, have time to do work. Real proper meaningful work. I do not want to be stuck in my pyjamas until 2pm being puked on by the baby and then having to tolerate my toddler’s “chat” while I have a bath. I feel like a servant. It makes me feel different in my relationship and by different I mean less than equal and frankly speaking equal is the bare minimum I’m willing to accept.” RAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Or words to that effect. Sorry Mum. As I say, it went longer than that but thats the broad jist.

And then I felt much better. And my poor mum probably felt a lot worse. Especially as I’ve been doing “this” for about 5 mins and she stayed for some years to look after me and my brother and so I’m only telling her crap about life she already knows and in fact I’m being super insensitive about her life choices. But she doesn’t call me out on that. Because she is awesome and she knows when I need to vent. And she gave me good advice. But mainly she was just there. Looking out for me. Like she always does.

Then today something happened to me. Perhaps it was this moment.

Mum was just about to leave and we’d been chatting about ten minutes and I realised Nate had quietly been reading something on the floor. It was a book of Dylan’s called “Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art”. And as you might be able to tell from the title it is a book about the history of comics told through a comic, written for grown-ups. But Nate was entranced. He stayed there about 20 minutes reading it, then kept coming back to it all afternoon. He would flick through the pages so softly and considerately like an adult, not a three year old. He was so like his father in that moment that it made me want to cry because it was like looking at the teenager and even man he would become one day. It was utterly perfect.

It was like I was old. And I was watching a memory in my head. And it was one of those moments when you properly realise how fleeting your kid’s childhood is and how lucky you are to be able to be the one to observe it first hand and have some part in shaping them and helping them grow. And you will have heard this story or versions of it from every parent you know I expect. So sorry ’bout that. But it means everything to me. And that is why I do it. If you were wondering.

 

 

Running Royal Parks Half Marathon for Refuge

I’ve got an announcement. On October 6th I will be running the Royal Parks Half Marathon for Refuge. The few people I’ve told so far seem to be wondering why? Well I’ll tell you. And if you can I’d love it if you sponsored me.

I am completely without fitness and this must change. I was completely blown away by what my body was able to achieve through childbirth and I realised that on a daily basis I’m not using my body to its full potential. I want to live old, and be strong for a long time. Fitness is going to be critical to that long term goal.

I’m fat. No, no it’s fine. I’m not saying it to get you to say that I’m not fat and anyway it doesn’t matter what you think because I don’t like the post-natal flab that I’m currently carrying. It makes me feel icky. When I exercise regularly I eat better too and as a result a slimmer self emerges. I’d like to feel a bit good about how my body looks again. Y’know, that feeling of looking in the mirror and smiling?

Raise money. Running a half-marathon is a great opportunity to commit myself publicly to a big goal that I can’t back out on. It also means that all my training and running and eating healthily will pay off because I’ll be able to ask for sponsorship to raise money for the brilliant Refuge who provide shelters for women and children who are victims of domestic violence. Did you know that in 2009 the Donkey Sanctuary received £20 million in voluntary contributions whereas Refuge only received £1.7 million? Not cool AT ALL.

Feel free. Running is physical freedom as far as I’m concerned. Free from kids climbing all over you. Freedom to enjoy your own company, body and thoughts. I need that in my life right now.

So what is my plan so far:

Step 1: Read Alexandra Hemingsly’s “Running Like a Girl.” Half way through, currently inspiring me and helping me by giving great advice on everything from bras to trainers to worrying about weeing in the street. It’s like getting advice from your best friend.

Step 2: Recruit friend to run with. My lovely friend Hannah is going to run with me. She’s just climbed Kilimanjaro and goes to the gym regularly. Whereas I sit on my sofa, breastfeed and eat biscuits. So basically the same fitness level then.

Step 3: Get trainers. My plan is to visit this running shop in Canterbury to get fitted for proper running shoes. From what I’ve learned from “Running Like a Girl” so far this is absolutely critical.

Step 4: Start training using the now famous Couch to 5k iPhone app training plan. We’ll go from there.

Step 5: Keep a running diary, another of Hemmingsly’s recommendations. I’ll also share highlights of fat to fit (hopefully) here.

Wish me luck. I’ll need it.

Easter Weekend in Norfolk.

We’re just back from a delicious weekend in Thornham on the North Norfolk coast where we spent Easter with the family. For various reasons it has been a while since we all got together so it was truly wonderful to be with everyone; my mum and dad, aunt and uncle and grandmother. Two years ago the same weekend we were getting married. Last year it was this very weekend we discovered (and freaked out) about me being pregnant with Arlo. This year was marvellously uneventful by comparison! As always we ate at the brilliant Orange Tree, went for walks and sat around talking, reading papers and playing in the garden. Perfection.

The endless winter (are we trapped in Narnia?) mostly continued but we had some brilliant sun so I did get out with the camera.

 

No plan B

Over the weekend I read this completely lovely article in the New York Times about relationships, trust and a woman maintaining her independence assuming one day her relationship will fail. So despite being completely in love with her boyfriend she still has a “single girl’s starter kit,” the bare essentials she needs to start life over again on her own.

“In my starter kit, I have: one single girl’s bed, one set of flannel sheets, one pillow, my grandmother’s afghan, one each of various kitchen utensils, one tool kit, one ladder and one box of love letters from past admirers. Everything I’ll need in case my boyfriend and I ever break up. My Single Girl’s Starter Kit is the opposite of a hope chest.

Friends’ reactions to the starter kit fall into two camps. There are those who praise me for my prudence. “You’re smart,” they say. Then they tell me a story about a girl who was not so smart, who found herself alone in the cold, dark city without the skills and supplies she needed. They concede that the vagaries of romantic love necessitate insurance.

Then there are those who are mildly judgmental or flat-out opposed.

“He’s not the one,” one friend concluded. “If he was, you’d let go of that ladder.”

“It just might be a self-fulfilling prophecy,” another warned.

I was schooled on love by “The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour.” At 5, I knew all the words to “I Got You Babe.” I crooned the lyrics in the bathtub surrounded by my toy boats and Crazy Foam. When I was 15, Sonny and Cher divorced, leaving Chastity in the fray. And nothing was sadder than watching Cher’s wooden performance of their signature song on a late-night talk show years after they broke up.

My boyfriend makes me oatmeal in the mornings. He adds bananas and walnuts and milk, and he brings it to me in bed. He places fresh coffee on the night stand. When I come home from work, he is in the kitchen making supper after having worked all day himself. He greets me with a spoon, asking me to taste his latest concoction. Curry. Chocolate. Anchovies.

We play toss with our cat’s stuffed mouse, and the cat runs between us. I walk past my boyfriend in our living room, and he reaches out to squeeze me appreciatively. He has a belly laugh that makes me want to stay with him for the rest of my life.

And yet…

In the span of 30 years of serial monogamy, dodging in and out of one serious relationship after the next, I have always planned for the end from the beginning. Marveled as people around me married. Watched in awe as they vowed to spend their whole lives together. Regarded them in the same way I regard snake handlers, sword swallowers, beekeepers and Philippe Petit, the man who walked the wire extended between the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in 1974.”

I strongly advise you to read the whole thing. It’s really very good.

It got me thinking about the massive leap of faith we take when we fall in love and decide to make our life with someone. Unlike the author of this piece I’ve had a very stable upbringing with two parents who adore each other. So perhaps for me the decision to settle down with one person, make a life, home, children together felt like a natural one. Even so, when we met I was still prickly from my first heartbreak. Defensive, I found it hard to trust, relax or be myself. I don’t know when that started. Maybe it was when I got food poisoning early in our relationship and he looked after me. Maybe it was when he met my parents but he didn’t try to impress them. He only cared about impressing me. Maybe it is because he’s smart. Probably it was a million reasons. But that was it. I unfolded. I’ve never had a backup plan or an escape route. I don’t have a secret bank account and bag packed somewhere. And maybe that’s not smart. But I’m in. I’m fully in. There is no plan B for me.

Tapas Night

Saturday night was date night at home and I made tapas which is one of my most favourite things to cook. I particularly enjoyed preparing it with a glass of wine in hand listening to live Opera from the Met in New York. It gave the whole thing a pleasant sense of drama.

I made Patatas Bravas (with garliky yum aioli type sauce), chorizo and chickpeas cooked in sherry with roasted red peppers, manchego served with honey, thyme and a touch of espresso, plus some cured meats, black olives, oh and some toasted bread rubbed in garlic then covered in ripe tomatoes (more garlie) and olive oil with some serrano on top. All in all a total combination of some tapas recipes I’ve picked up along the way and stuff I’ve completely made up so suspect not very authentic but was YUM.

We got very drunk on Rioja and then opened Whisky. There may have been dancing. Hmmmm. It was one of those nights where you forget about everything but each other and you can’t stop talking and it completely reminds you of when you first fell in love. To me that is date night success.

 

The creativity of parenting

The creativity of parenting is something I feel completely passionate about. I believe that raising children gives you many opportunities to flex your creative muscles so it’s always a shame when any discussion of parenting focusses exclusively on the mundane. Don’t get me wrong. There is a lot of tedium when it comes to bringing up kids but there is also lot of time for daydreaming and intellectual freedom, spending time outside, playing with little humans who don’t judge (much) and for me this  frees me up creatively. Both times that I’ve been on maternity leave I’ve spent considerably more time writing and undertaking creative projects then I ever did when I was working in an office all day. I spend more time discussing conceptual ideas with people both online and in real life. I have more ideas for businesses, charities and initiatives I want to start. In short I’m inspired. Even though I’m exhausted, my hair is dirty and some days I don’t speak to an adult from the time I say goodbye to my husband in the morning to the time he comes home in the evening.

Let me tell you how I get inspired by being with my kids and I hope that you can benefit from this too

1) Get down on the floor and play.

Children are naturally creative, imaginative and playful. They haven’t learned not to be and when you care for small children you see the world through their eyes. So put your phone away for a bit, roll up your sleeves and get down on the floor and play with them whether it is small world play with intricate stories about each of their animals or dressing up as pirates and setting sail on the good ship sofa. You learn so much about your children through play. And this is how children bond so you will both feel more connected and happier after a good session of play. And I think it must be good for our hard wired old adult brains to flex our imaginative muscles and role play for a bit as well. Whether it gives you a specific idea or not don’t worry. You will just benefit from using your brain in a different way.

2) Get outside and run around

As well as imaginative play kids need a good dose of fresh air every day to stop them from turning into lunatics. This means running around in fresh air, chasing a ball, each other, a bird or whatever. It can be at a park, on a beach, in your garden. It doesn’t really matter. But this is brilliant for us adults too. Not only can you get a brilliant rush from chasing your children round and feel your heart swell as you hear their laughter at you chasing them but it gets your blood pumping and endorphins rushing. It’s not the same as driving to the gym and working out for an hour. Its freeing. It makes you feel good.

3) Daydream

As I said, when you are at home with children there are a lot of boring and repetitive tasks to undertake. Laundry is my pet hate. Endless sacks of bloody laundry. But don’t fret. Just let your mind wander, daydream. I have more time inside my head to think about ideas, to make random connections, to percolate on things.This is the time when I plan parties in my head or start writing blog posts. This is when I try to think up creative solutions to get Nate to eat more veggies or enjoy drawing. It also gives me a chance to ponder on my thoughts on what is going on in the world so I develop my opinions on stories I’ve heard in the news or read about earlier in the day online. All of this is good useful thinking and imagining time. Use it wisely. And it makes the laundry seem a lot less tedious.

4) Listen more

a) Listen to the world outside of your home

When I’m home all day with the kids, not sat in meetings talking about client issues or strategies it means I have more time to read and listen to the radio. Of course, these opportunities are snatched. Don’t get me wrong. With a 3 year old and a newborn it means listening to Radio 4 while I prepare a meal or reading the news on my phone as I breastfeed. But that’s fine. It means that I’m more educated about what is going on in the world and it is giving me a variety of things to think about in my downtime (laundry time!) The radio I particularly love because they read me stories as well as the news, I hear plays, music, philosophical ideas. And you can use the time similarly to listen to a podcast about just about anything you can imagine. The combination of the listening time and the imagination time I have means my brain is always busy even when it looks like I’m not doing anything very interesting!

b) Listen to your kids

The second part to “Listen More” is about just shutting down some of those external inputs for a while to really listen to what your kids are saying to you. Because trust me, it is often hilarious, insightful, sometimes deeply worrying! One of the things you notice if you’ve got a child of 2 or over is that it is very common for children to just rabbit on endlessly and sometimes it is important for your sanity to tune it out. But it is equally important to engage at key times. I particularly enjoy doing this at bathtime, mealtimes and when we are snuggling in bed. A child’s view on the world is always original and unique. To me this is pretty inspiring.

5) Use it

When I was in the office all day working my brain and talking to adults all day and being creative for my clients the last thing I wanted to do in the evening was write or create something, I wanted to rest that part of my brain. It was sad for me because I felt that this was something I was missing in my life. But now, because my days are physical, lifting, cleaning, carrying, cooking, playing and running I look forward to the evenings or times when my kids are napping as times when I can write or learn more about photography or start a new project. Even though I’m tired I’m motivated to do it because the part of my brain that needs to be flexed. Just like I wouldn’t be healthy if I didn’t exercise my body I wouldn’t be healthy if I didn’t try to be creative too.

6) Encourage your kids to be creative too

Everyone knows that kids learn through play. You need to be thoughtful and creative in coming up with ways for you guys to have fun and learn. This could be singing silly songs. It could be finger painting together. It is a creative, fun and intellectual pursuit in itself to come up with activities for your kids that you can both enjoy. You have to empathise with them and try to imagine what they will find fun. Compared to disciplining your kids or doing the washing up it is one of the best parts of the parenting gig and it is one that can surprise you. I didn’t particularly think I would enjoy beading but thought it might be a good way for Nate to develop his fine motor skills, but I loved it! And now I think I’d like to learn how to make jewellery too.