Just keep swimming…
When I worked for someone else I always knew what was expected of me. I knew what success looked like and I knew when I had achieved it and when I had let it slip by. But it was tricky because it wasn’t the kind of success I felt would make me happy long term. But now I’m trying to forge a new path and even though it feels right it is even harder in a way.
Looking after the boys. Training for my half marathon. Fundraising for my half marathon. Starting a business. Writing on my blog. Hanging out with my husband, friends, family. Shopping. Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. Getting stuck into a community project. I know I spread myself too thin, but I don’t know how to do life any other way.
My day-to-day glides effortlessly from the sublime to the ridiculous and back again. And sometimes it makes my head spin. A phone call to a business contact bouncing the baby on my hip hoping he won’t cry. Trying, desperately to sound professional. Waiting, restless, raring to run out the front door for an exhilarating 10k when my husband gets home from work. A brief kiss the handover. A crying toddler waking in the night and falling then asleep in my arms snotty but perfect. And laundry. Endless loads of laundry at all hours of the day and night. Scraping porridge off the floor on hands and knees. A sleepy lull in the middle of the day when finally I can have a bath and a camomile tea in peace. Then write and write and write until they wake.
It is so chaotic, so mad that sometimes a month goes past and I am so surprised. Now I have no idea if I’m making progress or just treading water. But I know if I stop then I will sink, so I just keep going.